One of the worst feelings I get is when I am hurting so deeply, that I just want to cry. The unfortunate part is, I don’t know why I want to cry and I can’t even begin to cry to bring some relief.

The next hardest thing is when your heart is hurting.
See, I broke up with ‘Cub’ because I wanted to save him. I wanted to keep him from drowning in my misery. And I thought it would help, but knowing his heart is hurting hurts just as bad. I can’t help but hurt and I’m so sorry and miserable. The pains of being sensitive. I care too much to keep him locked in a relationship  with me while I’m trying to figure myself out. He told me that I needed to be selfish. So I clung to him. But, how fair is that? Is that even right?

I think about him. Not in a creeper way, but he is on my mind. I hope he is doing well, and able to move forward. I hope that one day we could try again, but I don’t hold onto the notion. I don’t want to hold back a part of him if he finds someone else. I want him to be happy, healthy, and productive. And it’s been hard, not seeing him or talking to him. I’ve tried reaching out  to keep in touch, but I realize it may be causing more harm than good.

So, for now I keep my distance.  At least I’m trying to.

Even worse feeling. Knowing someone is perfectly perfect for you, and having to push then away because you aren’t perfect for them.

Till next time