I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Again, I find myself awake in the wee hours of the morning (2:30am) with tears streaming down my face. I have nothing to be crying over. Sure, I’m hurt somewhere deep inside. Maybe its the loneliness inside trying to creep its way out. Was just talking to my friend that rejected me. He said I should go to bed because he is. Like really? Because I can just fall asleep like that, on command. It doesn’t work like that. I can’t turn it off. I just lay here, and cry  my eyes out. I try to sleep, and just stare into the darkness. Something inside of me, breaking apart. The little fragments jamming themselves into the crevices of my soul. With every movement, they tear a little more. I’m being shred apart from the inside out. I feel like he just doesn’t get it. He’s off in his new la la land with his new girlfriend. Its like, did you forget the pain you felt when you were in my shoes? Do you not remember the nightmares? The feeling of fear that no one would ever love you again. That moment your heart was ripped out of your chest, and left torn to pieces. Do you not remember the darkness?

Why? This is the resounding question that never leaves me alone. Its like a plague. Its the knife sticking out of me. Carved into the handle, and into my soul. Why?

I hate nights like these… I hate being alone, by myself, in the darkness. I’m afraid of the dark.

Until Next Time